The Inexhaustible Silence of Houses
As you guys know, I still haven't recovered from T&S. Who the fuck recovers from T&S?
I started reading The Inexhaustible Silence of Houses today and well guess what? I fucking cried. You shouldn't be surprised. I cry. . . . a lot.
Synopsis: Almost two years after the world doesn't end, Castiel falls from grace—and loses his voice in the process. It is the impetus for confession and change; before long, he is settling into a loving relationship with Dean, the Winchesters are tired, and hunting for a place to land has taken precedence to hunting anything else. Dean and Castiel fall in love with the strange little house on the end of Swallowtail Drive, and for a little while life is as it should be—sweet, affectionate, and beginning afresh.
But more and more Castiel sees and hears things in the house that beg the question of whether or not a place itself can be alive. The walls and rooms seem to shift and grow and breathe, and one night, Dean comes home from a hunt changed in a way that Castiel cannot explain. In the months that follow, their domestic bliss takes turns for the dark and sour, and the confusion of their circumstances will ultimately test everything Castiel knows about the man he loves, and everything he believes to be true.
Anyway, this fic didn't exactly hit me in the face with feels from the beginning like T&S. I was really confused about this fic. I didn't know what's going on.
Basically, Cas lost his voice and grace. Then, Destiel living in a house. I had a feeling something was wrong about the house. I thought it was a ghost, but it wasn't.
After reading a few chapters, I had a feeling Cas was going insane but I thought some ghost was toying around with him. It wasn't. It was him all along.
The drunk!dean scene was heartbreaking. I was so mad at Dean for saying all those words to Cas. How dare you, Dean.
And then right after they made up, I thought okay maybe this was going to be fine after all but nope, something had to happen. Dean was gone, Cas didn't know where he went. I literally thought after what he did, Dean committed suicide by shooting himself but he didn't. (Thank God)
But guess what happened? DEAN IS FUCKING DEAD. Apparently, in the scenes before, Dean and Sam goes out for a hunt. Went to some Vampire nest. His neck was like torn. . . I think. Whatever happened, it killed Dean. The whole fucking time, Cas was hallucinating. The house gave out bad vibes and shit, the house drove him crazy. I was right.
I didn't want to live anymore. Just when I thought it was going to end there, things happened.
Dean left the amulet (the one he threw away in that one episode in one season. . . I forgot. The amulet was supposedly magical and could help Cas find God) for Cas. No, actually Sam took the amulet after Dean threw it and gave it to Cas.
Later on, ghost!dean appears and tells Cas to let go. So, he did. He went back to the creepy-ass house and burn it down. The thing is, the last words of the fic was;
And the thought came to him, then, that the house was still calling to him, still wide and open for him.
He could mount the stairs before they sank to flame and walk inside, stand in the hall of the house that bore him and the house that broke him, close his eyes and take flight as ash, open his eyes finally to see his Dean again.
The hand holding his did not tighten, but it did not fall away.
It was his choice.
All of it. Everything that had happened here. It had always been his choice to make.
Slowly, he stepped back up the stairs, let his hand come to rest on the post of the porch roof, stared into the holocaust raging inside. Screaming, singing, shrieking, almost speaking, almost saying, you know what you will do.
It would be so simple to join the song, to break the silence and send the rafters to ash, to shout praises one more time in the crumbling of all his dreams and all his fears.
It would be so terribly easy to step inside.
The author never told us exactly if Cas stepped inside the house or not. Which leaves me hanging. I am pretty sure Cas stepped inside and burned within the house.
Anyway, I cried. . . A lot. This fic gave me chills. It's horror anyway so it's supposed to give me shivers down my spine. I just can't take everything in one go. I couldn't bare with the ending. The whole fic was beautifully written, no doubt. The sex scene was perfectly written. So poetic.
I won't recover from anything right now. I'm going to fucking die.
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