"Jeez. It's the first week of school and I already feel like dying"

Hey guys!

School started last Monday (originally last week but they extended school holidays as the flood worsened). So, to sum up the past week, I felt like shit. Honestly, the first day itself was just no.

2014: A (Horrifying) Journey

Remember how I wrote my New Years Resolutions for 2014? Let's see what I achieved, shall we?

Here's the 2014 new years resolutions, the cancelled ones are the ones I have achieved.
  •  Pay attention in class
  • Try getting top five in class
  • Stop procrastinating
  • Pray constantly and never miss one prayer (insyaAllah)
  • Don't piss a teacher off
  • Read more
  • Write more
  • Tweet less
  • Drink coffee less
  • Eat healthily
  • Keep calm
  • Be more social (or socially active they say. Not sexually active.)
  • grow taller
  • be skinny
  • be intelligent (for once use your brains, goddamit Amirah)
  • get a phone from my parents
  • go to a concert (probably after exams)
  • get a follow from my faves

Get a follow from faves would be hard as my faves are now not together as a band. . .

As you can see, I did not achieve that much. So this year, 2015, will be a new beginning. I'm done with New Year Resolutions. They're overrated. I won't even follow them. So, this year I won't be making promises to change for a better me. I'll try, but I won't promise you anything.

2014 was one of the worst years I've ever had in my life. 2014 was a horrifying journey.  I pretty much screwed up 2014. Don't get me wrong, I had good memories of 2014 but it seems like I can only remember the bad ones.

In Pretty Hurts; a song by Beyonce, a man asked this question:

"What is your aspiration in life?"

and Beyonce replies, "My aspiration in life is to be happy."

I, too, have a few aspirations in life but I'll save that for another post.

Til then,

Happy New Year and Au Revoir.

and this is how one piece of paper ruined my day

It's 22nd December. You know what day it is? No, it's not anyone's birthday. It's the day I receive my PT3 results.

For those ignorant asses or foreigners reading this, PT3 is a one of the major exams in high school. It used to be PMR (Peperiksaan Menengah Rendah  or Lower Secondary Evaluation) until the Ministry of Education decided to change the format. They changed it last minute actually. They didn't give us a good amount of time to fully understand what is going on with the system. I took the exam anyway. Like I had a choice. PT3 is completely subjective unlike PMR which is objective. PT3 is one of the reasons (actually, one of the main reasons) I cried a lot this year. I panicked a lot.

Anyway, after a few months of waiting, the results day finally came. I didn't know what to expect really. We did know our marks (I have stated earlier in posts before this). From what I've heard from social media, the graph/grade chart thingamajig was lowered down. This made me kinda confident about my grades. I actually had hopes I would've gotten straight As (well, at least the subjective ones).

When I reached school, I hugged my friends of course. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I was panicking all of the sudden. I don't know why I had a mini panic attack. Maybe I was overwhelmed, who knows? One of my friends told me that only three people got straight As for PT3. I panicked. . . again. I mean like why wouldn't I? I was so confident with getting good grades when someone had to tell me I don't stand a chance.

By 10 AM, we were given orders to enter the hall. My heart was pounding, literally. I couldn't breathe. . . again. The headmistress was giving some sort of speech. I wasn't listening as I was too busy worrying about my results. After she finished talking, we were supposed to go to our class teachers, stand in line and wait for our turn to take our results.

When it was my turn to take it, I called out for my mom. I didn't want to see the certificate. Ended up, she took it and brought it to my dad. I was hyperventilating. I still haven't seen my results yet. My friend, who is a fucking genius (well I think), didn't get straight As.

Finally, I had the courage to look at the certificate. There I was, crying, tears were flowing out of my eyes. I didn't get straight As. To be exact I got 6As 3Bs 1C. My parents told me it was fine, but it wasn't. I didn't study hard enough. I'm not good enough. I hated myself. I was completely upset.

Blah. . . blah . . . blah . . . I spent the whole day being upset. Found out what my other friends got. They all got either slightly better than me, same like mine or worse. Didn't make me feel better.

In the end, I accepted my results as it is. I can't change my past. The only thing I can do now is pray for my future and work hard.

'Til then, au revoir.

...too bad they don't exist


So I've been thinking about things; things that I want.

Okay I get it, jeez Amirah you have a lot of stuff, be thankful blah blah blah. Fine, here's are the things I want and I would never ever get. Why? because probably they don't exist or I'm just a sad ass broke loser.
  1. A pet dragon. I mean like come on it's a dragon. How can you not want a dragon? Dragons are so fucking cool. To quote Game of Thrones :"They can fly. And wherever they are, just a few flaps of their wings and they're somewhere else... Far away. And they can kill. Anyone or anything that tries to hurt them gets burned away to nothing... melted... like so many candles. Seeing a dragon would make me very happy." 
  2. A really rad sense of fashion. I'm sorry I suck at clothes and shit. I want a minimalist wardrobe by the time I continue my studies in Uni. It's simple, it's chic, it's cheap-ish. Well, I just want to look good in everything. I don't get how some girls can wear a shirt or something and still look great. I need a wardrobe makeover but I'm broke as fuck and I don't own my money. 
  3. A damn car. Dammit. I'll be getting my driving license late because I was born late. I don't exactly know what car I want but I just want a damn car. I want to drive around, alone, without parents bossing around me. Supernatural makes the '67 Impala beautiful. If the car was human, I'd totally fuck him/her. 
  4. A luxurious duplex apartment. Why? Because it's a nicer alternative to normal terrace houses. It's a fancy apartment, that's it. I like fancy. 
  5. A boyfriend. Go ahead. Laugh at me. Jeez Amirah you're pathetic. I know I am. Really, I want a boyfriend. The thing I crave most is affection. (Ha ha. Do I sound poetic yet?) I don't exactly know what's my type. I just want a boyfriend, okay. 
S 
So far these are the only things I have in mind. I don't know what else to ask for. 

'Til then, au revoir.

Finally fucking 15

December 19 2014.

I'm stuck in Johor. Today's my birthday. I'm 15 at last.

We went to Legoland two days ago. It was fun though it rained pretty much the whole time. I enjoyed it, really. My sisters enjoyed it the most as they were the ones who forced me to follow them to the rides. Almost bought a Lego!Gandalf keychain. Should've bought it.

Yesterday, we went to JPO (Johor Premium Outlet). Basically its a place with designer shops in it and all designer shops give discounts. I didn't really want to buy anything but my dad was being really nice to me. He (and my mum) bought me a Coach bag. It was a sling bag and the Coach logo was all over the bag.

This year I received tonnes of presents. I got a 5S to replace my lost Nokia. A Coach sling bag and a trip to Hong Kong next week. Eep! I'm so excited.

Maybe it's not the most eventful birthday but it was nice enough.

Until next time,
xo
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