and this is how one piece of paper ruined my day
It's 22nd December. You know what day it is? No, it's not anyone's birthday. It's the day I receive my PT3 results.For those ignorant asses or foreigners reading this, PT3 is a one of the major exams in high school. It used to be PMR (Peperiksaan Menengah Rendah or Lower Secondary Evaluation) until the Ministry of Education decided to change the format. They changed it last minute actually. They didn't give us a good amount of time to fully understand what is going on with the system. I took the exam anyway. Like I had a choice. PT3 is completely subjective unlike PMR which is objective. PT3 is one of the reasons (actually, one of the main reasons) I cried a lot this year. I panicked a lot.
Anyway, after a few months of waiting, the results day finally came. I didn't know what to expect really. We did know our marks (I have stated earlier in posts before this). From what I've heard from social media, the graph/grade chart thingamajig was lowered down. This made me kinda confident about my grades. I actually had hopes I would've gotten straight As (well, at least the subjective ones).
When I reached school, I hugged my friends of course. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I was panicking all of the sudden. I don't know why I had a mini panic attack. Maybe I was overwhelmed, who knows? One of my friends told me that only three people got straight As for PT3. I panicked. . . again. I mean like why wouldn't I? I was so confident with getting good grades when someone had to tell me I don't stand a chance.
By 10 AM, we were given orders to enter the hall. My heart was pounding, literally. I couldn't breathe. . . again. The headmistress was giving some sort of speech. I wasn't listening as I was too busy worrying about my results. After she finished talking, we were supposed to go to our class teachers, stand in line and wait for our turn to take our results.
When it was my turn to take it, I called out for my mom. I didn't want to see the certificate. Ended up, she took it and brought it to my dad. I was hyperventilating. I still haven't seen my results yet. My friend, who is a fucking genius (well I think), didn't get straight As.
Finally, I had the courage to look at the certificate. There I was, crying, tears were flowing out of my eyes. I didn't get straight As. To be exact I got 6As 3Bs 1C. My parents told me it was fine, but it wasn't. I didn't study hard enough. I'm not good enough. I hated myself. I was completely upset.
Blah. . . blah . . . blah . . . I spent the whole day being upset. Found out what my other friends got. They all got either slightly better than me, same like mine or worse. Didn't make me feel better.
In the end, I accepted my results as it is. I can't change my past. The only thing I can do now is pray for my future and work hard.
'Til then, au revoir.
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